Ever miss your kids while your at work...

Today was one of those days. Have you ever had one of these? The kind of day when you think about your kids from the time you get to work until the time you can see them and hug them. All day long they are on your mind.

You like working outside of the home, you feel successful, it helps pays the bills. All is good (usually) with you working in the market place.

But occassionally there are those days when your heart aches that you aren't home more. You tear up when they are finally near you again, because you missed them that much.

Today was that day for me. I have no solutions on how to get through days like today easier, I just know that tonight extra snuggles are in order for them, but really for me.

Moms, you are not alone. Every working mom has these days. Try to go to bed as soon as you can and remember things are often better in the morning.

Here's hoping for a better day...

Father's Day without a Father...

Today my heart is heavy. It's Father's Day. Everywhere you look people are posting pictures of their dads or their children with their dads. But so many of you don't have dads. And some of you don't have a dad, because they made a choice or your mom made a choice that left you beautiful one without a daddy.

I am so sorry.

Today my heart is heavy for you. You, the one that is flipping through social media, trying to keep it together for your sake or even your children's sake. I do not understand, I have not been in your shoes, but today in the midst of all the happiness, I wanted you to know God sees you, right there in the midst of your hurt, loneliness, and feeling like your missing something.

There really aren't any words that I can't offer that will make the ache in your heart any less.

But I wanted you to know you are not alone. God wanted me to write this to you today. I couldn't get you out of my mind, He wanted me to tell you He sees you and He will help you today and everyday. He longs to be the one you tell your stories to, the good ones and the bad ones. Tonight when you lay your head on your pillow, think of laying your head on Papa God's lap. Maybe he's singing to you, maybe he's playing with your hair, may you go to bed tonight knowing you are loved so much. I pray it goes from your head into the depths of your heart, beautiful one.

I'm praying for you today.

"I just want Daddy!"

There was nothing specific that caused my daughter to scream these words over and over again tonight. She just did. My husband was sick and turned in early, so I was flying solo tonight. Feeding, changing, and bedtime for our 6-month old and 4-year old.

When it was time for my oldest to go to bed she stated, "I want Daddy." I reminded her that daddy went to bed early because he was sick and needed to rest so he could get better. (Reasoning normally works with her). Not tonight! The statement, became a demand, which eventually turned into hysteria.

I asked her if she wanted mommy to cuddle with her, "No, I just want Daddy!" I told her that Daddy was sleeping and mommy could cuddle her. "No, I just want Daddy!" I said (more calmly then I felt) that Daddy can't tonight and walked out.

I went to feed the 6 month old in the next room and put her down. Through the entire feeding I heard great sobbing and more "I want my daddy." It was the longest feeding ever! 

I wanted to fix it. I wanted to go in and wake my husband up and tell him to go kiss her good night and squeeze her. That's all she wanted. It would have been quick, easy and done. BUT, I would have taught my daughter if she screams long and loud enough--she can get what she wants.

But more than that, I would have missed out on teaching my daughter about handling herself when it doesn't go her way. Not getting Daddy tonight is minor, really. But if I don't help her now with the minor things, she'll grow up not knowing how to handle the major things.

After I put the littlest one down, I went back in and said, "Can mommy snuggle with you?" She said, "I want Daddy." Because she didn't say no, I climbed in her bed and put my arm around her and waited. After a few minutes she relaxed, a few more minutes passed and she grabbed my arm.  She calmed down and we just snuggled. I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her and then it was my turn to shed some tears.

She asked if I wanted to sleep with one of her stuffed animals and she lifted Bonsai towards me. What a gift! Every night she carefully goes over her inventory and if one animals is missing, a search ensues. All stuffed animals must be accounted for before she goes to sleep and here she was offering me one of her precious possessions.

As I closed her door I prayed that God would always give me the wisdom needed to raise this spunky, determined, remarkable girl. I know tonight won't be the last time she pushes me away, but really wants me to stay. May I know when to give her space and when to close the distance.

May God give you wisdom in raising your daughter. He gave her to you! He chose you to love her, teach her and mold her. It wasn't an accident. He wants her to learn from you. Tonight I did it right (I have Bonsai to prove it), but many times I don't. I lose my temper, lack self-control, respond disrespectfully--just to name a few. Sometimes you will do it right and sometimes you won't. When you do celebrate and when you don't, ask for forgiveness (no matter your daughter's age). And know that you aren't going to do it right every time (NO ONE DOES!) and find comfort in this closing thought...Jesus' mother didn't know where he was for three days! (Luke 2:41-46).