Capsule Project = Frustration + Freedom

Have you heard of the Capsule wardrobe? Me Neither, until last week. And every single day since then I have been haunted by simplifying. The basic idea of a capsule wardrobe is that you have 35-40 pieces total (pants, shirts, skirts, dresses). Undergarments, accessories, and workout clothes aren't part of the 35-40 pieces. For 3 to 4 months you make outfits out of those select pieces. You mix and match, accessorize.

By having fewer clothes, you take out one more decision to make. The theory is if you simplify your wardrobe, you will help simplify your life. I’m intrigued. I work full time outside of my home, I run a small business, I have two small children I love to pieces, and a husband that deserves my full attention. The idea of making something easier sounds amazing!

I’ve read several articles and bloggers on this topic, although it seems the “craze” began with this woman’s journey, www.un-fancy.com She is currently on a sabbatical, but her idea is gain massive momentum.

I stare at my closet. It’s stuffed and underwhelming. There are few items in there I love to wear, but overall they are just things to keep me from being naked.

What if I had 35-40 pieces I absolutely loved. Would it help me feel better about my body? Would I feel lighter and more carefree? Well on Saturday, I tried it. I wore a shirt I really like. It makes me smile when I wear it and I was shocked to notice myself smiling more as I wore it.  

So begins my adventure with a capsule closet. If you are interested in joining my adventure let me know. I can add you to a facebook group that’s tackling their closets and creating capsules. 

And my end goal is probably closer to 50 pieces: 20 for work. 20 for leisure/weekend. 10 that can float between the groups. I’m looking forward to the challenge and the adventure. Because their has got to be something better than this…

I made a vow.

I said, "I take you to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

Well, I thought when my husband was unemployed for a year and a half was the worst. I honored our vows through that, so I thought we are all good.

And then it happened. We had a big, ugly, nasty fight that was the stick that broke the camels back. Things were said that couldn't be taken back. Statements that struck the core of who I was were uttered. I felt like I was punched in the gut and all the life went out of me. And for the first time in 8 years I thought, is this worth it? I struggled with hopelessness, frustration, angry, and hurt.

For almost two weeks I was "eh." For me this was a big deal. I'm a passionate, emotional person, but during this time I was simply indifferent to anything to do with my husband. He would hug me, kiss me, tell me he loves me and I didn't respond. I was done. I was scared. I thought that the end of my marriage was eminent. How long could we continue with what was said? With the pain and frustration that had been building in my husband for months? How could we go on?

I have heard many times that love is a choice and I had come to the place where I wanted to choose not to love. At least not love in a way that would cost me anymore.

And then I remembered I made a vow. A pledge, to resolve solemnly to do. So if that vow meant anything to me then things had to change. I had to change. Because at this point it wasn't about my husband, or what he said. It was about me. It was about my heart. I wasn't sure how things were going to change, so I prayed. I prayed God would open my heart to my husband. I prayed that God would help me choose to love him again. I cried. I prayed. I cried. I prayed. And I tried.


I started with 1 Corinthians 13, because if love was a choice, what did that choice look like... 

Love does not give up.
Love is kind. 
Love is not jealous. 
Love does not put itself up as being important. 
Love has no pride. 
Love does not do the wrong thing. 
Love never thinks of itself. 
Love does not get angry. 
Love does not remember the suffering that comes from being hurt by someone.  
Love is not happy with sin. 
Love is happy with the truth.  
Love takes everything that comes without giving up. 
Love believes all things. 
Love hopes for all things. 
Love keeps on in all things.

Shoot! Love does not give up. Well, if I'm choosing to love, I can't quit. It's not an option. 

I need to be kind, even if I don't feel like it. Even if I'm still hurting.

Love does not do the wrong thing...

Love does not get angry, I had to let go of the tornado inside me.

Love is happy with the truth, hmmm...were there things that my husband said that are true? Was I easily agitated with him? Did I get a tone with him? 

In the New International Versions it ends with, It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Always, huh?  Every time, in all circumstances, always.

I'm sharing this not because I need your recommendations on a marriage counselor. I share this, because I can't be the only one who has been here. Whose heart has been broken in two and the pain is so great its physical.  When the desire to fix it is zero. I share it because there is hope. My God is a God who heals and restores.

Are things amazing between my husband and I? No. But they are improving. Day by day as I chose to love, as I honor my vow, it gets better. Please don't give up on your marriage, on your spouse. 

I know there are people out there who are living with spouses who are in unimaginable circumstances. The pain you have suffered can't be measured. And you need help, ask for it. Find a pastor, counselor who will pray with you, listen to you, and give you wise counsel and hope. Pray.

"I take you, Dan, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

So you got me, 'til I die! For better or worse. 

Ever miss your kids while your at work...

Today was one of those days. Have you ever had one of these? The kind of day when you think about your kids from the time you get to work until the time you can see them and hug them. All day long they are on your mind.

You like working outside of the home, you feel successful, it helps pays the bills. All is good (usually) with you working in the market place.

But occassionally there are those days when your heart aches that you aren't home more. You tear up when they are finally near you again, because you missed them that much.

Today was that day for me. I have no solutions on how to get through days like today easier, I just know that tonight extra snuggles are in order for them, but really for me.

Moms, you are not alone. Every working mom has these days. Try to go to bed as soon as you can and remember things are often better in the morning.

Here's hoping for a better day...

How to give yourself a little more time at dinner time...

A cry of working moms everywhere is I wish I had a little more time with my children! But the reality is by the time you get off work, pick them up from daycare, cook dinner, get the family settled down to eat dinner, clean up dinner its 6:30/7:00 and almost bedtime.

Mom's I hear you. Nothing is more discouraging then being close to your kids, but not being engaged with them, especially after being at work all day, away from them.

One thing that has helped me considerably is meal planning. When I first heard the concept of meal planning, I thought anyone who does that must be crazy.  I barely have time to grocery shop for a few meals, much less plan for an entire week. I don't have that much time! But I've discovered the exact opposite has happened.  Meal planning has given me more time. I feel less rushed, and I no longer have to solve the great big question, "What's for Dinner?!?" I already know the answer! And knowing this answer has personally reduced my stress. And I've found when I'm less stressed it makes it easier to take the time to be with my kids.

In the simplest form, Meal Planning is scheduling what you will eat throughout the week, so you don't have to come home and figure it out on the fly.  What meat do I have in the freezer that I can easily defrost? Do I have a box of rice? What veggies go with that? Meal planning answers all of those questions ahead of time, so dinner preparation becomes less stressful.

Here is my latest Meal Planning Worksheet and a link to this worksheet, Meal Planning Worksheet

If this particular worksheet doesn't work for you, you can google Meal Planning or search for it on pinterest and find other ideas.  I want you to start meal planning so your life becomes simpler, less chaotic, I could careless what form you use! I've learned there are so few things that I can control in my life or with my children, but this area of dinner time, I can control--so I should, it ultimately makes my life easier!

This doesn't mean I don't deviate from the plan, sometimes I switch nights, if I don't feel like having what I originally planned. Since, I already have all the ingredients, the switch doesn't cause chaos to my dinner time prep.

Ways to make more from less.

1. Find meals that use the same protein, so you don't have to prep two nights in a row.  For example, brown your ground beef and use it one night for spaghetti and the next night for tacos (heat it up and just add seasoning). I frequently buy a rotisserie chicken from Costco and we have it one night for dinner and then the next night I make chicken fajitas, and after using it for two meals, I cut up the leftover chicken and make chicken noodle soup. 
2. Make extras to use later.  On the weekends when I make pancakes, I make a double batch so the leftovers can be frozen and used throughout the week.  When I make chili, I make a double batch and freeze half of it so we can thaw it and reheat on a week night when we have other things going on.
3. Split 9" x 13" recipes to two 8" x 8". It's not exactly the same, but close enough. (This works great for smaller families) I do this with chicken enchiladas and lasagna. I make two 8" x 8" pans and freeze one and cook the other.  This makes for another way to have a "quick" meal when my evenings are busy.  (I went to the thrift store and purchased some 8" x 8" pans. Why would I want to pay full retail for a glass pan?!?)

Try it! Start somewhere, plan three meals a week.  Before you know it, you'll want to plan every night because it makes the question, "What's for Dinner?" so easy to answer! And when you know that answer before you get home from work, things just get easier.

One thing that I've started doing with my 4-year old is letting her pick an activity to do at the kitchen table when I'm preparing dinner. This keeps her from watching TV and keeps her close to me. Having her close makes it easier for me to interact with her. I comment on what she's doing and ask her questions about her day. This also allows me to join in while I'm waiting for the water to boil or for the oven to preheat. 

Here are a few things we do for activity time:
Play-Doh
Water Colors
Markers
Stickers
Toothpicks and Marshmellow Building
Pipecleaners
Legos on the kitchen floor

Pretty much anything that can keep her in the room with me, even if its a little messy--the return is worth it!

And my 8-month old, plays on a blanket with a few toys on the kitchen floor. I talk to her as I cook or pause and make a silly face at her to get her to laugh, just something every now and then so she knows I see her.

And remember, you aren't alone! There are moms all over feeling exactly like you do. Struggling to get a decent meal on the table, wanting to spend more time with their kids and somewhere in the midst of it all laundry, dishes, and just 5 minutes on a couch!

Try the meal planning, I really think it will help you immensely create more time for you to spend with your kids.

Father's Day without a Father...

Today my heart is heavy. It's Father's Day. Everywhere you look people are posting pictures of their dads or their children with their dads. But so many of you don't have dads. And some of you don't have a dad, because they made a choice or your mom made a choice that left you beautiful one without a daddy.

I am so sorry.

Today my heart is heavy for you. You, the one that is flipping through social media, trying to keep it together for your sake or even your children's sake. I do not understand, I have not been in your shoes, but today in the midst of all the happiness, I wanted you to know God sees you, right there in the midst of your hurt, loneliness, and feeling like your missing something.

There really aren't any words that I can't offer that will make the ache in your heart any less.

But I wanted you to know you are not alone. God wanted me to write this to you today. I couldn't get you out of my mind, He wanted me to tell you He sees you and He will help you today and everyday. He longs to be the one you tell your stories to, the good ones and the bad ones. Tonight when you lay your head on your pillow, think of laying your head on Papa God's lap. Maybe he's singing to you, maybe he's playing with your hair, may you go to bed tonight knowing you are loved so much. I pray it goes from your head into the depths of your heart, beautiful one.

I'm praying for you today.

Busted by my 4 year old!

We were on our way to meet my parents. We were meeting up in Wisconsin for a waterpark rendezvous. We were suppose to leave at 8, it was 8:45 and no one had breakfast. Thankfully, there is a McDonald's on my way to the freeway!

I placed our order, hotcakes and a number #2 with a large diet dr. pepper. (up it goes on the screen).
Speaker: If everything is correct on the screen, pull forward.
Me: It's not correct, I would like a diet dr. pepper.
(She add a 2nd dr. pepper)
Me: That's not right, i would like a diet dr. pepper, not a dr. pepper.
Speaker: It is right, pay at the next window.
Me: The screen isn't correct, I would like a diet dr. pepper, you have dr. pepper.
Speaker: Do you want one dr. pepper or two.
Me: I'll take two, that's fine, but I would like them to be DIET DR. PEPPER.
(Finally, the screen changes from Dr. Pepper to Diet Dr. Pepper)

As we pull away from the speaker to the first window a voice behind me says, "Mommy, that wasn't kind. You need to be nice. That wasn't very respectful."

<crickets>

She was right! I was late, frustrated, impatient, unkind, and disrespectful. I had 5 seconds to decide what lesson I was going to teach my daughter. I could justify my actions. After all, Diet Dr. Pepper does sound different than Dr. Pepper, she obviously wasn't listening to my order. I do speak loudly and clearly. But, I decided to just admit the obvious. I wasn't kind. I wasn't nice. I wasn't respectful.

It's difficult to admit when you are wrong, and its even harder when your child points out how wrong you really were...

Before we got to the first window, I turned around and said, "Abigail, you are right. Mommy wasn't being kind. I'm sorry for being disrespectful. I shouldn't have talked to her like that."

Abigail, "That's okay, I forgive you."

I took a deep breath, pulled up to the next window where we got our hotcakes, #2, and two large Diet Dr. Pepper's, and we were on our way.

I am so thankful my daughter will stand up for what is right, even if that means telling me I'm wrong. I pray I will never be above correction and that she will always speak up for those being treated unkindly.

What are you teaching your children? Do you foster an environment where your children feel safe pointing out the error of your ways? Or are you too prideful? I don't think I have felt more ashamed of my behavior than I did in that moment when my 4 year old, told me how wrong I was--HUMBLING!

What are you doing this summer?

Summer--the best time of the year, for kids! Sometimes a dreaded time for working moms. Even though their schedule changes, yours doesn't. You are still required to be at work, your alarm clock is still set way earlier than you would like it to, and now your kids want to do stuff.

I get it. I want to do fun things with my kids, I want to make memories, but sometimes I forget and I'm just tired. A plan helps me stay focused and motivated.

To help yourself and your kiddos have a good summer, consider making an unconventional list. Not on the pad of paper that is attached to the front of your refridgerator, but maybe one like this...

Make a bucket list! Go to the dollar store and buy a bucket and some clothespins. On each clothespin write an activity you want to do together (have your child add some suggestions).  They can be places to go together (the zoo, waterpark, grandma's house) or things to do. (i.e. build a sand castle, play in the sprinkler, make playdoh, play in the rain) Put the clothespins around the top of the bucket, as you complete the activity put the clothespin in the bucket.

Have a goal to do one clothespin activity on the weekend and one night a week. This gives your children something to look forward to and help make their summer fun. It also helps you--you don't have to think of things at the last minute when you kids want to do something.

You can also simplify this activity by writing a list on large construction paper and check it off as you do each activity. (If your kids can write, have them help!) And remember color makes things look fun. :)

Either way, its a visual reminder to the kids of what's yet to come and as a parent it will hold you accountable to "do stuff" and not fall into a summer routine of sitting at home or telling the kids to go play outside.

If you have older children you could take a few pictures at each place/event and make a scrapbook towards the end of summer. If you want to do this, be sure to add it to your list.

If you aren't sure what to put on your list, or need a few fillers, check Pinterest (here's a link to summer activities).

I'm leery to have a link to Pinterest--that sight can make any mother feel like a complete failure! PLEASE, do not compare what you can do to what's on other people's summer list and don't think your list isn't pretty enough. THE POINT of all of this is to have fun with your kids this summer--Make memories, laugh together, enjoy the season! You only get 12...