Big Problem. Small Problem.

Last night I was snuggling with my 4-year old daughter. She said she was hungry, in her most dramatic voice. I matched her intensity and said, "That sounds like a big problem." She said, "No, a snack isn't a big problem, that's a small problem. If a giant steps on you--that's a big problem."

She's right. A giant stepping on you would be a really big problem!

A few months ago I started to teach her the difference between a small problem and a big problem, after she had a total meltdown (screaming, weeping, throwing herself down on the ground) because she couldn't find the socks she wanted. We talked about when we have small problems we can be sad, angry, frustrated, or even all three, but small problems don't require drama. I want my daughter to feel and express her motions, but I want her to learn to do it in a healthy, appropriate way. So over the last few months, when the opportunity arises--when a meltdown is moments away--I ask her, "Is this a small problem or big problem?" She often looks at me with tears welling up, sucks in a bunch of air and says, "It's a small problem." I tell her it's okay to be sad or angry, but she's right, it is a small problem.

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Do I express my emotions in a healthy way? Do I analyze problems the same way I'm teaching my daughter to? I am a firm believer that if I'm teaching it, I should be modeling it. So this noble goal of teaching my daughter small problems vs. big problems has made me realize that I overreact and throw fits for way too many small problems. Most adults, including myself, have learned to package their meltdowns a little nicer, but if we were to really be honest with ourselves, we are throwing fits over small problems.

As you go through this week, analyze your reactions to problems. Are they appropriate? Are you in control? Now if you have a pit in your stomach and this is striking a chord with you--you aren't alone.

On more than one occasion, I have had to take an extra deep breath, or say, "God, please help me. I know this is a really small problem, but I feel like it's a really big problem."And you know what, I have started to change. Little by little, problem by problem. Believe me if a short-tempered gal from Chicago who grew up with an angry, sometimes explosive parent, can change--you can too! Start today.