Big Problem. Small Problem.

Last night I was snuggling with my 4-year old daughter. She said she was hungry, in her most dramatic voice. I matched her intensity and said, "That sounds like a big problem." She said, "No, a snack isn't a big problem, that's a small problem. If a giant steps on you--that's a big problem."

She's right. A giant stepping on you would be a really big problem!

A few months ago I started to teach her the difference between a small problem and a big problem, after she had a total meltdown (screaming, weeping, throwing herself down on the ground) because she couldn't find the socks she wanted. We talked about when we have small problems we can be sad, angry, frustrated, or even all three, but small problems don't require drama. I want my daughter to feel and express her motions, but I want her to learn to do it in a healthy, appropriate way. So over the last few months, when the opportunity arises--when a meltdown is moments away--I ask her, "Is this a small problem or big problem?" She often looks at me with tears welling up, sucks in a bunch of air and says, "It's a small problem." I tell her it's okay to be sad or angry, but she's right, it is a small problem.

<pause>

 

Do I express my emotions in a healthy way? Do I analyze problems the same way I'm teaching my daughter to? I am a firm believer that if I'm teaching it, I should be modeling it. So this noble goal of teaching my daughter small problems vs. big problems has made me realize that I overreact and throw fits for way too many small problems. Most adults, including myself, have learned to package their meltdowns a little nicer, but if we were to really be honest with ourselves, we are throwing fits over small problems.

As you go through this week, analyze your reactions to problems. Are they appropriate? Are you in control? Now if you have a pit in your stomach and this is striking a chord with you--you aren't alone.

On more than one occasion, I have had to take an extra deep breath, or say, "God, please help me. I know this is a really small problem, but I feel like it's a really big problem."And you know what, I have started to change. Little by little, problem by problem. Believe me if a short-tempered gal from Chicago who grew up with an angry, sometimes explosive parent, can change--you can too! Start today.

"I just want Daddy!"

There was nothing specific that caused my daughter to scream these words over and over again tonight. She just did. My husband was sick and turned in early, so I was flying solo tonight. Feeding, changing, and bedtime for our 6-month old and 4-year old.

When it was time for my oldest to go to bed she stated, "I want Daddy." I reminded her that daddy went to bed early because he was sick and needed to rest so he could get better. (Reasoning normally works with her). Not tonight! The statement, became a demand, which eventually turned into hysteria.

I asked her if she wanted mommy to cuddle with her, "No, I just want Daddy!" I told her that Daddy was sleeping and mommy could cuddle her. "No, I just want Daddy!" I said (more calmly then I felt) that Daddy can't tonight and walked out.

I went to feed the 6 month old in the next room and put her down. Through the entire feeding I heard great sobbing and more "I want my daddy." It was the longest feeding ever! 

I wanted to fix it. I wanted to go in and wake my husband up and tell him to go kiss her good night and squeeze her. That's all she wanted. It would have been quick, easy and done. BUT, I would have taught my daughter if she screams long and loud enough--she can get what she wants.

But more than that, I would have missed out on teaching my daughter about handling herself when it doesn't go her way. Not getting Daddy tonight is minor, really. But if I don't help her now with the minor things, she'll grow up not knowing how to handle the major things.

After I put the littlest one down, I went back in and said, "Can mommy snuggle with you?" She said, "I want Daddy." Because she didn't say no, I climbed in her bed and put my arm around her and waited. After a few minutes she relaxed, a few more minutes passed and she grabbed my arm.  She calmed down and we just snuggled. I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her and then it was my turn to shed some tears.

She asked if I wanted to sleep with one of her stuffed animals and she lifted Bonsai towards me. What a gift! Every night she carefully goes over her inventory and if one animals is missing, a search ensues. All stuffed animals must be accounted for before she goes to sleep and here she was offering me one of her precious possessions.

As I closed her door I prayed that God would always give me the wisdom needed to raise this spunky, determined, remarkable girl. I know tonight won't be the last time she pushes me away, but really wants me to stay. May I know when to give her space and when to close the distance.

May God give you wisdom in raising your daughter. He gave her to you! He chose you to love her, teach her and mold her. It wasn't an accident. He wants her to learn from you. Tonight I did it right (I have Bonsai to prove it), but many times I don't. I lose my temper, lack self-control, respond disrespectfully--just to name a few. Sometimes you will do it right and sometimes you won't. When you do celebrate and when you don't, ask for forgiveness (no matter your daughter's age). And know that you aren't going to do it right every time (NO ONE DOES!) and find comfort in this closing thought...Jesus' mother didn't know where he was for three days! (Luke 2:41-46).

SOLD!

Have you ever bought something and regretted your purchase? It was overpriced, or you ended up not liking the color of the item or the style went out a few months after you owned it. I HAVE--You should see my worn only twice boat shoes that were so popular a few summers ago!

Well, I have recently bought something that I consider expensive, but I don’t regret it one bit and I want to tell you about it. I’m not trying to sell you anything—really.

I have avoided blogging about this, but if these products can help you and your family, then why shouldn’t I tell you about it. I’ve struggled for weeks about sharing this, because I don’t want to be viewed as a “pusher” of products, so let me tell you what I know:

My 6 month daughter has struggled off and on with constipation. I tried massaging her stomach, giving her more water, warm baths, thermometer up the bottom, and nothing worked—NOTHING! She would cry and struggle and grunt, but no poop would come. I eventually turned to pedi-lax. I didn’t want to use it, I’ve used a laxative in the past and it was horrible, how could I do that to my tiny one?!? But I was desperate, so I did it. As the pedi-lax worked she cried, she was obviously in pain, I felt horrible, but it needed to be done. Well, a few weeks later she was struggling again, I contacted a dear friend who is an advocate for essential oils. She heard that fennel oil has helped with this issue. So I tried it, I had nothing to lose. I mixed a little coconut oil with a drop of fennel oil and rubbed it on her tummy. In one hour she had a bowel movement. No crying, no grunting, no pain. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! No more pedi-lax for my baby girl! Essential Oils here I come.

My only other experience with an essential oil (until recently) was when I was in Vietnam. I was sick, really sick. The van I was in had to pull over on the side of the road for me to violently vomit. It was awful! I got back in the van and this Vietnamese woman starts rubbing my temples with an oil. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but it took away ALL nausea. I was still weak, but no longer begging them to pull over.

Because of these two experiences, I decide to learn more. I started to research. I read lots of blogs, surfed the net, found medical studies on oils, and asked questions.

Through my searching I found other friends who have greatly benefited from essential oils. One friend was on anxiety medicine and slowly took herself off of it and now only uses an oil, Peace & Calming. It does what she needs it to do.

Another friends rubs a mixture of coconut oil and Thieves on the bottoms her children's feel and they have NEVER had a cold, even though they attend a large day care center.

A therapist at our school uses essential oils when she meets with students. She says she has seen students open up and share that previously remained closed off! WOW!

I am not saying, get of your medications and inhale or rub some oil on yourself that’s all you need. BUT people all over the world have used oils to heal and promote health. We in America have bought into something chemically engineered is the best way to go.

I’m not so sure.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to invite you to explore essentials oils. If you or someone in your family has ongoing headaches, muscle tightness, reoccurring earaches, anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping or any other aliments I encourage you to explore essential oils. Do some research, ask questions, read the studies.

I am part of a facebook community page that explores Young Living Essential Oils. I invite you to participate, message me and I’ll add you as a member to the page. NO ONE will pressure you to buy essential oils. It’s a place to ask questions and gain knowledge.

These oils have truly made my life better, my family is healthier, I personally feel better. I have more stories to tell, but don’t want to bore you. Feel free to ask me questions or at the very least let me add you to the discussions on essential oils—it might very well change your life!  REALLY!

God sometimes talks to me at Target.

It was after work and I had to run to Target for a few items that I needed for dinner that night. I'm standing in the 10 items or less express lane, the one by the baseball cards and weird stretchy bracelets and other items that kids "need".

Well, there are no magazine headlines to read in this checkout lane, so I start looking at the items and thought...my daughter would really like that...and that's when it happened. God talked to me. Not in an audible, I AM HERE VOICE, but in my heart.

A scripture I heard many times came to mind, Matthew 7:11, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

I was reminded right there in the 10 items or less lane, GOD WANTS TO GIVE ME GOOD GIFTS! Sometimes I get bogged down by life, the errands, the cleaning, the trying and forget.

Just like I wanted to surprise my daughter with a gift God wants to surprise me. I checked out and on the way home pondered the thought that God wants to give me gifts, way more than I want to give things to my chidlren. HOLY COW BATMAN! That's ALOT!

I chose not to buy my daughter the Angry Bird stretchy thing, and at times, God also chooses not to give me things. He has His reasons, just like I had mine. But what I was reminded of is His heart is towards me, he thinks about me, he loves me, he wants to give me good gifts.

My hope and prayer is the next time you are thinking about how much your son or daughter would like this or that, multiply it a hundred times and know that you are just scratching the surface of God's love for you His daughter.

I don't do New Year's Resolutions.

It was at least ten years ago I decided New Year's Resolutions weren't for me. I'd make them and fail. The next year I would make a smaller, easier resolution and fail. I got tired of failing so I quit making them.

As the clock winds down on 2013 an illustration I heard from Chip Ingram comes to mind. I can go to the gym and try to bench press 100 pounds. It doesn't matter what bar I use or how much I think I can do it or even how many times I try.  I CANNOT bench 100 pounds. At least not now...

But if I go to the gym and train to bench a 100 pounds, in time I will be able to do it.

My approach this year to New Year's Resolutions is one of training to accomplish them.

My husband and I would like to pay off our debt. We can try to do it and we'll fail.  We've tried and tried. But if we train to do it, we'll have a shot.  For example, we are going to start by saving "x" dollars out of each paycheck, so if we have an unexpected expense we don't have to put it on credit, we can use our savings. We are also going to go back on a budget and start by focuses on groceries.  We are going to use a cash budget when we go to the store.  Every grocery trip I'll bring "x" dollars in cash and have to spend that amount or less--no using the debit card.

I would personally like to take off the last 25 pounds of "baby" weight. Well, I suck at diets. I'm just not disciplined in that area.  But I can train to loose that weight by drinking more water each day, which will help me lose weight. I can add a veggie to every meal by putting peppers in my eggs for breakfast and bring veggies (with dip) to have with my lunch.  That will increase my fiber intake which will help me lose weight and keep me full longer.

So what are you going to train to do during 2014? 

One idea to help you accomplish your New Year's Resolution is coming up with a 12-step plan. Make a goal for each month and by the end of the year you will have developed 12 lifestyle changes that will help you fulfill your resolution.  If you are training for a marathon or even a 5K you add distance little by little. Creating a training plan does the same thing. It's making changes little by little. And with each change you get closer and closer to achieving your resolution. One step at a time. Here is an idea for finances:

MY TRAINING PLAN FOR MY FINANCES:
January, track all my spending and create a budget for each month
February, save $15 out of each paycheck
March, go to a cash budget for groceries (this means that I only bring "x" dollars to the grocery store, I do not use plastic EVER. If I plan to spend $400 on groceries for the month and at the end of the month only have $20 it looks like rice and beans and generic cereal.)
April, save $25 out of each paycheck
May, go to a cash budget for entertainment (going out to dinner, movies, social events, etc.)
June, limit my "treat" to once a week.  (This could be starbucks, McDonald's breakfast, happy hour)
July, Review my budget and make adjustments, discover places I can make cuts, and save more money or pay off more debt. Reward myself for my effort and my stick-to-it-ness so far. Get a massage, buy a new purse, etc.
August, save $35 out of each paycheck
September, try generics and see where I can save more money on my grocery bill
October, create my Christmas list and budget now--start looking for deals. Decide what I'm going to spend on each person now, requests lists to plan accordingly.
November, go to a cash budget for my clothing budget
December, DO NOT overspend--stick to my plan I created in October. Stay away from malls and impulse buying.

Here is an idea for becoming more healthy:

MY TRAINING PLAN FOR BECOMING MORE HEALTHY:
January,  increase my water intake to 48 oz. a day
February, go to the gym and workout 8 times per month (that's about 1 once every 4 days)
March, have a serving of vegetables for lunch every day
April, eat breakfast every day
May, have fruit for my morning snack
June, limit myself to one pop per day
July, limit myself to my "treat" once per week (Starbucks, McDonald's breakfast, happy hour, etc.)
August, increase my water intake to 64 oz a day
September, go to the gym and workout 12 times per month
October, Get move your "vice" from the house. (Ice cream, chips, chocolate, etc.)
November, have at least 3 vegetables servings every day
December, add a fruit serving to my day, in addition to my morning fruit snack

These are just a few ideas. You'll have to create what works for you. But post it somewhere you can see it everyday. Set reminders on your calendar to remind you of your training schedule. You can do it. You can train and accomplish your New Year's Resolution THIS YEAR!