Father's Day without a Father...

Today my heart is heavy. It's Father's Day. Everywhere you look people are posting pictures of their dads or their children with their dads. But so many of you don't have dads. And some of you don't have a dad, because they made a choice or your mom made a choice that left you beautiful one without a daddy.

I am so sorry.

Today my heart is heavy for you. You, the one that is flipping through social media, trying to keep it together for your sake or even your children's sake. I do not understand, I have not been in your shoes, but today in the midst of all the happiness, I wanted you to know God sees you, right there in the midst of your hurt, loneliness, and feeling like your missing something.

There really aren't any words that I can't offer that will make the ache in your heart any less.

But I wanted you to know you are not alone. God wanted me to write this to you today. I couldn't get you out of my mind, He wanted me to tell you He sees you and He will help you today and everyday. He longs to be the one you tell your stories to, the good ones and the bad ones. Tonight when you lay your head on your pillow, think of laying your head on Papa God's lap. Maybe he's singing to you, maybe he's playing with your hair, may you go to bed tonight knowing you are loved so much. I pray it goes from your head into the depths of your heart, beautiful one.

I'm praying for you today.

Busted by my 4 year old!

We were on our way to meet my parents. We were meeting up in Wisconsin for a waterpark rendezvous. We were suppose to leave at 8, it was 8:45 and no one had breakfast. Thankfully, there is a McDonald's on my way to the freeway!

I placed our order, hotcakes and a number #2 with a large diet dr. pepper. (up it goes on the screen).
Speaker: If everything is correct on the screen, pull forward.
Me: It's not correct, I would like a diet dr. pepper.
(She add a 2nd dr. pepper)
Me: That's not right, i would like a diet dr. pepper, not a dr. pepper.
Speaker: It is right, pay at the next window.
Me: The screen isn't correct, I would like a diet dr. pepper, you have dr. pepper.
Speaker: Do you want one dr. pepper or two.
Me: I'll take two, that's fine, but I would like them to be DIET DR. PEPPER.
(Finally, the screen changes from Dr. Pepper to Diet Dr. Pepper)

As we pull away from the speaker to the first window a voice behind me says, "Mommy, that wasn't kind. You need to be nice. That wasn't very respectful."

<crickets>

She was right! I was late, frustrated, impatient, unkind, and disrespectful. I had 5 seconds to decide what lesson I was going to teach my daughter. I could justify my actions. After all, Diet Dr. Pepper does sound different than Dr. Pepper, she obviously wasn't listening to my order. I do speak loudly and clearly. But, I decided to just admit the obvious. I wasn't kind. I wasn't nice. I wasn't respectful.

It's difficult to admit when you are wrong, and its even harder when your child points out how wrong you really were...

Before we got to the first window, I turned around and said, "Abigail, you are right. Mommy wasn't being kind. I'm sorry for being disrespectful. I shouldn't have talked to her like that."

Abigail, "That's okay, I forgive you."

I took a deep breath, pulled up to the next window where we got our hotcakes, #2, and two large Diet Dr. Pepper's, and we were on our way.

I am so thankful my daughter will stand up for what is right, even if that means telling me I'm wrong. I pray I will never be above correction and that she will always speak up for those being treated unkindly.

What are you teaching your children? Do you foster an environment where your children feel safe pointing out the error of your ways? Or are you too prideful? I don't think I have felt more ashamed of my behavior than I did in that moment when my 4 year old, told me how wrong I was--HUMBLING!

What are you doing this summer?

Summer--the best time of the year, for kids! Sometimes a dreaded time for working moms. Even though their schedule changes, yours doesn't. You are still required to be at work, your alarm clock is still set way earlier than you would like it to, and now your kids want to do stuff.

I get it. I want to do fun things with my kids, I want to make memories, but sometimes I forget and I'm just tired. A plan helps me stay focused and motivated.

To help yourself and your kiddos have a good summer, consider making an unconventional list. Not on the pad of paper that is attached to the front of your refridgerator, but maybe one like this...

Make a bucket list! Go to the dollar store and buy a bucket and some clothespins. On each clothespin write an activity you want to do together (have your child add some suggestions).  They can be places to go together (the zoo, waterpark, grandma's house) or things to do. (i.e. build a sand castle, play in the sprinkler, make playdoh, play in the rain) Put the clothespins around the top of the bucket, as you complete the activity put the clothespin in the bucket.

Have a goal to do one clothespin activity on the weekend and one night a week. This gives your children something to look forward to and help make their summer fun. It also helps you--you don't have to think of things at the last minute when you kids want to do something.

You can also simplify this activity by writing a list on large construction paper and check it off as you do each activity. (If your kids can write, have them help!) And remember color makes things look fun. :)

Either way, its a visual reminder to the kids of what's yet to come and as a parent it will hold you accountable to "do stuff" and not fall into a summer routine of sitting at home or telling the kids to go play outside.

If you have older children you could take a few pictures at each place/event and make a scrapbook towards the end of summer. If you want to do this, be sure to add it to your list.

If you aren't sure what to put on your list, or need a few fillers, check Pinterest (here's a link to summer activities).

I'm leery to have a link to Pinterest--that sight can make any mother feel like a complete failure! PLEASE, do not compare what you can do to what's on other people's summer list and don't think your list isn't pretty enough. THE POINT of all of this is to have fun with your kids this summer--Make memories, laugh together, enjoy the season! You only get 12...

Big Problem. Small Problem.

Last night I was snuggling with my 4-year old daughter. She said she was hungry, in her most dramatic voice. I matched her intensity and said, "That sounds like a big problem." She said, "No, a snack isn't a big problem, that's a small problem. If a giant steps on you--that's a big problem."

She's right. A giant stepping on you would be a really big problem!

A few months ago I started to teach her the difference between a small problem and a big problem, after she had a total meltdown (screaming, weeping, throwing herself down on the ground) because she couldn't find the socks she wanted. We talked about when we have small problems we can be sad, angry, frustrated, or even all three, but small problems don't require drama. I want my daughter to feel and express her motions, but I want her to learn to do it in a healthy, appropriate way. So over the last few months, when the opportunity arises--when a meltdown is moments away--I ask her, "Is this a small problem or big problem?" She often looks at me with tears welling up, sucks in a bunch of air and says, "It's a small problem." I tell her it's okay to be sad or angry, but she's right, it is a small problem.

<pause>

 

Do I express my emotions in a healthy way? Do I analyze problems the same way I'm teaching my daughter to? I am a firm believer that if I'm teaching it, I should be modeling it. So this noble goal of teaching my daughter small problems vs. big problems has made me realize that I overreact and throw fits for way too many small problems. Most adults, including myself, have learned to package their meltdowns a little nicer, but if we were to really be honest with ourselves, we are throwing fits over small problems.

As you go through this week, analyze your reactions to problems. Are they appropriate? Are you in control? Now if you have a pit in your stomach and this is striking a chord with you--you aren't alone.

On more than one occasion, I have had to take an extra deep breath, or say, "God, please help me. I know this is a really small problem, but I feel like it's a really big problem."And you know what, I have started to change. Little by little, problem by problem. Believe me if a short-tempered gal from Chicago who grew up with an angry, sometimes explosive parent, can change--you can too! Start today.

"I just want Daddy!"

There was nothing specific that caused my daughter to scream these words over and over again tonight. She just did. My husband was sick and turned in early, so I was flying solo tonight. Feeding, changing, and bedtime for our 6-month old and 4-year old.

When it was time for my oldest to go to bed she stated, "I want Daddy." I reminded her that daddy went to bed early because he was sick and needed to rest so he could get better. (Reasoning normally works with her). Not tonight! The statement, became a demand, which eventually turned into hysteria.

I asked her if she wanted mommy to cuddle with her, "No, I just want Daddy!" I told her that Daddy was sleeping and mommy could cuddle her. "No, I just want Daddy!" I said (more calmly then I felt) that Daddy can't tonight and walked out.

I went to feed the 6 month old in the next room and put her down. Through the entire feeding I heard great sobbing and more "I want my daddy." It was the longest feeding ever! 

I wanted to fix it. I wanted to go in and wake my husband up and tell him to go kiss her good night and squeeze her. That's all she wanted. It would have been quick, easy and done. BUT, I would have taught my daughter if she screams long and loud enough--she can get what she wants.

But more than that, I would have missed out on teaching my daughter about handling herself when it doesn't go her way. Not getting Daddy tonight is minor, really. But if I don't help her now with the minor things, she'll grow up not knowing how to handle the major things.

After I put the littlest one down, I went back in and said, "Can mommy snuggle with you?" She said, "I want Daddy." Because she didn't say no, I climbed in her bed and put my arm around her and waited. After a few minutes she relaxed, a few more minutes passed and she grabbed my arm.  She calmed down and we just snuggled. I gave her a kiss, told her I loved her and then it was my turn to shed some tears.

She asked if I wanted to sleep with one of her stuffed animals and she lifted Bonsai towards me. What a gift! Every night she carefully goes over her inventory and if one animals is missing, a search ensues. All stuffed animals must be accounted for before she goes to sleep and here she was offering me one of her precious possessions.

As I closed her door I prayed that God would always give me the wisdom needed to raise this spunky, determined, remarkable girl. I know tonight won't be the last time she pushes me away, but really wants me to stay. May I know when to give her space and when to close the distance.

May God give you wisdom in raising your daughter. He gave her to you! He chose you to love her, teach her and mold her. It wasn't an accident. He wants her to learn from you. Tonight I did it right (I have Bonsai to prove it), but many times I don't. I lose my temper, lack self-control, respond disrespectfully--just to name a few. Sometimes you will do it right and sometimes you won't. When you do celebrate and when you don't, ask for forgiveness (no matter your daughter's age). And know that you aren't going to do it right every time (NO ONE DOES!) and find comfort in this closing thought...Jesus' mother didn't know where he was for three days! (Luke 2:41-46).

SOLD!

Have you ever bought something and regretted your purchase? It was overpriced, or you ended up not liking the color of the item or the style went out a few months after you owned it. I HAVE--You should see my worn only twice boat shoes that were so popular a few summers ago!

Well, I have recently bought something that I consider expensive, but I don’t regret it one bit and I want to tell you about it. I’m not trying to sell you anything—really.

I have avoided blogging about this, but if these products can help you and your family, then why shouldn’t I tell you about it. I’ve struggled for weeks about sharing this, because I don’t want to be viewed as a “pusher” of products, so let me tell you what I know:

My 6 month daughter has struggled off and on with constipation. I tried massaging her stomach, giving her more water, warm baths, thermometer up the bottom, and nothing worked—NOTHING! She would cry and struggle and grunt, but no poop would come. I eventually turned to pedi-lax. I didn’t want to use it, I’ve used a laxative in the past and it was horrible, how could I do that to my tiny one?!? But I was desperate, so I did it. As the pedi-lax worked she cried, she was obviously in pain, I felt horrible, but it needed to be done. Well, a few weeks later she was struggling again, I contacted a dear friend who is an advocate for essential oils. She heard that fennel oil has helped with this issue. So I tried it, I had nothing to lose. I mixed a little coconut oil with a drop of fennel oil and rubbed it on her tummy. In one hour she had a bowel movement. No crying, no grunting, no pain. IT WAS INCREDIBLE! No more pedi-lax for my baby girl! Essential Oils here I come.

My only other experience with an essential oil (until recently) was when I was in Vietnam. I was sick, really sick. The van I was in had to pull over on the side of the road for me to violently vomit. It was awful! I got back in the van and this Vietnamese woman starts rubbing my temples with an oil. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but it took away ALL nausea. I was still weak, but no longer begging them to pull over.

Because of these two experiences, I decide to learn more. I started to research. I read lots of blogs, surfed the net, found medical studies on oils, and asked questions.

Through my searching I found other friends who have greatly benefited from essential oils. One friend was on anxiety medicine and slowly took herself off of it and now only uses an oil, Peace & Calming. It does what she needs it to do.

Another friends rubs a mixture of coconut oil and Thieves on the bottoms her children's feel and they have NEVER had a cold, even though they attend a large day care center.

A therapist at our school uses essential oils when she meets with students. She says she has seen students open up and share that previously remained closed off! WOW!

I am not saying, get of your medications and inhale or rub some oil on yourself that’s all you need. BUT people all over the world have used oils to heal and promote health. We in America have bought into something chemically engineered is the best way to go.

I’m not so sure.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to invite you to explore essentials oils. If you or someone in your family has ongoing headaches, muscle tightness, reoccurring earaches, anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping or any other aliments I encourage you to explore essential oils. Do some research, ask questions, read the studies.

I am part of a facebook community page that explores Young Living Essential Oils. I invite you to participate, message me and I’ll add you as a member to the page. NO ONE will pressure you to buy essential oils. It’s a place to ask questions and gain knowledge.

These oils have truly made my life better, my family is healthier, I personally feel better. I have more stories to tell, but don’t want to bore you. Feel free to ask me questions or at the very least let me add you to the discussions on essential oils—it might very well change your life!  REALLY!

God sometimes talks to me at Target.

It was after work and I had to run to Target for a few items that I needed for dinner that night. I'm standing in the 10 items or less express lane, the one by the baseball cards and weird stretchy bracelets and other items that kids "need".

Well, there are no magazine headlines to read in this checkout lane, so I start looking at the items and thought...my daughter would really like that...and that's when it happened. God talked to me. Not in an audible, I AM HERE VOICE, but in my heart.

A scripture I heard many times came to mind, Matthew 7:11, "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

I was reminded right there in the 10 items or less lane, GOD WANTS TO GIVE ME GOOD GIFTS! Sometimes I get bogged down by life, the errands, the cleaning, the trying and forget.

Just like I wanted to surprise my daughter with a gift God wants to surprise me. I checked out and on the way home pondered the thought that God wants to give me gifts, way more than I want to give things to my chidlren. HOLY COW BATMAN! That's ALOT!

I chose not to buy my daughter the Angry Bird stretchy thing, and at times, God also chooses not to give me things. He has His reasons, just like I had mine. But what I was reminded of is His heart is towards me, he thinks about me, he loves me, he wants to give me good gifts.

My hope and prayer is the next time you are thinking about how much your son or daughter would like this or that, multiply it a hundred times and know that you are just scratching the surface of God's love for you His daughter.